I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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