I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
