I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
