i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
