shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
