How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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