if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
