Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
foreskin is a definite game changer
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
