I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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