We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
