is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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