Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
