the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
this boner is exhausting
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
