I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
