Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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