Im at strip club and am horny
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
