The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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