Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
