I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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