She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Found the puke drawer
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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