Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Randomize
