All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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