Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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