Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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