i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
