is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
