Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I think i peed on brittanys purse
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
