So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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