"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I lost the right to judge tonight
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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