instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
