I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
