Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You made out with two different species that night
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
