guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
two words...techno handjob
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
This baby is an asshole
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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