I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
