I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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