when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
