I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
