i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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