So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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