is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
