i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
