My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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