i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You ruined the universe
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
