im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
