I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
