Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
