bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
