My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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