but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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