Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
