so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
